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Why You Should Own a Fruit Bat as a Pet

(an essay)

1) Fruit bats are fuzzy like kittens. But THEY CAN FLY! Who wouldn’t want a flying kitten?

2) Fruit bats are nocturnal. That means they’re just waking up when you get home for the evening and the kids are done with their homework; no annoying fruit-bat-sitting during the day.

3) You don’t have to walk a fruit bat. They CAN FLY.

4) Fruit bats do not require buying special, fruit-bat-only food. “Ooh, look at me; I’m a dog, I only eat Dog Food. Go buy it for me.” I don’t think so. Fruit bats eat regular fruit, which you can buy at the grocery store. Just set out a bowl of apples or whatever is in season, and they’re happy. They probably eat table scraps as well.

5) Fruit bats might eat insect pests, such as mosquitoes, in a pinch. Other bats do, so they may experiment when given the chance. At the very least, insects are likely to be unable to distinguish between bat species, and will leave you alone.

6) Fruit bats do not require special housing, such as a “dog house” or “cat bed” or “bird cage.” Instead, they wrap themselves up with their own wings, even being so kind as to cover their eyes so they can sleep during the day. Storage is as simple as an umbrella or hat rack.

7) Fruit bats scare the living crap out of burglars. This one is self-explanatory.

8) Fruit bats make excellent Halloween companions. No “pet costumes” are required — let’s all face the facts, people who dress their pets up in Halloween costumes are one bad day away from complete psychosis.

9) Fruit bats are loyal. Since they’re completely undomesticated, they have no preconceived notions about human beings, so if you provide them with fruit (and/or table scraps), you’ve made a friend for life.

10) Fruit bats are much more fun at the Pet Park than dogs or cats. They can catch frisbees in mid-air, because THEY CAN FLY. Everyone will want to know where you got yours!

Why not order a fruit bat today?

Spectacled Flying Fox
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